Pimp My Cushion
December 2, 2004
Sorry sorry sorreeee for my absence. I know you’re wondering where I’ve wandered off to. What obscure backwater of that obscure backwater called middle Tennessee have I been haunting?
Leiper’s Fork. The far side of Leiper’s Fork, actually, right near where the Natchez Trace Parkway crosses Leiper’s Creek Road. I’ve been to see Danny.
It all had to do with the Big Dotty piano bench cushion, which is in the same limbo that most of my life is at the moment: done yet undone. I have had the knitted top part finished since, um, the first administration of George W. Bush. But I’ve had trouble pinning down Danny.
Who’s Danny? Danny is the upholsterer, the sole person who holds in his hands the fate of this long-shot projeck. Ah, Danny, who is rumored to have a way with the welting, Danny with whom I have had a running phone relationship that rivals my correspondence with you. We have discussed the challenges of turning knitting into upholstery (“Uh, it’s gonna stretch on me, you do know that”). We talked about the trials of making replacement cushions for anything (“It’s just real hard to get a decent fit”), and we talked about the forty-three reasons he couldn’t come to town to pick up this projeck.
So. I decided to make a day of it, the Delivery of the Makin’s. I down- then uploaded Ann Patchett’s Bel Canto, which I had purchased as a book when it came out but in my addled state never got past page four. The blogphone has taken on new life as an MP3 player, so now I can talk on the phone, surf the Web, read email, check my calendar, find a phone number, take pictures, and listen to the syrupy-voiced Anna Fields make Bel Canto sound like an opera. If my blogphone could toast an English muffin and buy me groceries, life would be complete.
I drove and I drove, and I ended up here:
As I came up the gravel driveway, the “Robinson’s Upholstery” van was a welcome sight amid the five pickup trucks, three of which had gun racks. Are these people training for the Leiper’s Fork Upholstery/Riflery biathalon?
Danny was a barrelly-looking, kawntry fella who could not have been nicer nor more focused on the challenges of knitted upholstery. It’ll either work or it won’t work, but it won’t be for lack of Danny trying.
I’ve been knitting and knitting, but absolutely nothin’ to show. Hey everybody–whatchew been knitting?
PS Now that Hubbo has installed Tivo in our Salon de Nuit, I have been watching drifts of television. I haven’t watched this much television since I was ten. I LOVE TV! I LOVE IT! Top events so far:
“Regency House Party,” yet another PBS reality program/social studies course, this one on life in 1815 England. Too goofy to describe. Much pointed holding of lady’s hand.
Biography episode about Led Zeppelin. We counted at least seven things directly parodied in Spinal Tap, not least of which was Jimmy Page playing his guitar with a violin bow.
An episode of MTV’s “Pimp My Ride” in which a 22 year old, Erin, has her 1987 Chevy Blazer pimped out by the guys to the point that it has a working fireplace in the way back. Would love to take that through the hookup line at school.