Houston, We Don’t Really Have a Problem
January 8, 2006
You know that movie with Tom Hanks and Bill Paxton and Kevin Bacon where they’re astronauts? Apollo 13? When they’re on the fifth Moon mission and they’re all jacked up but the networks won’t even cover their little Live-From-Space broadcast because it’s just not news anymore?
You know when you’re having children, and you get past that first one, and the second one, and that third one comes out just great and what a cute baby she is–whoops did we get a baby book oh great here put in this lock of hair that’s plenty oh and maybe this hospital baby bracelet?
That’s what we’re talking about here with the subsequent steeks of my life. Steek the First was the epic, hands-clammy sort of knitting event that rivaled only the first time I went rapelling. (OK so I went rapelling exactly once and it was because I loved Ben Swift so mightily that I would fling myself off a low cliff for him.) Unlike Ben Swift, my sweater will never forsake me for some perky tennis player. But I have to say, I found Steeks Two and Three uneventful in the extreme. So I’ll include some creepy shots of scissors to make it all feel more alarming and dangerous.
The Neck Steek
How weird is this thing? The reason you do this steek is a) so you can keep knitting in the round and preserve the pattern without interruption, b) so you can do decreases along the front neckline so that the neckline will be shaped. And c) because life just isn’t complicated enough already.
For Steek the First I didn’t show any photos of the literal, actual whacking of the knitting, and I recall somebody commented on that. YOU commented, I do believe. As IF I had prove how it was that I ended up with a hole in the middle of my knitting? Like I faked it? Like some freakin’ faked-up Moon landing? Would I lie to you? Even in the name of high-drama blogation?
I even used the Ancestral Mom Scissors, the ones we as children were not allowed to use on cardboard or ANYthing. We weren’t even allowed to LOOK at these scissors. They were the lone possession of my mother’s that nobody else could touch. We could go through her jewelry box and wear her opal ring. We could clomp around the house in her high heels. We could do gymnastics on her bed. But the scissors. Well. So sacred are they that lo these 20 years after Mother went to the Knitting Circle in the Sky, I won’t let MY children look at these scissors.
SNIP SNIP SNIP.
Holey hole, Batman. It’s a neckhole.
I was so chuffed at whacking the neck steek that I cranked out the collar using a circular that was two inches too long but who the hell cares even though the resulting collar isn’t exactly tight as a drum or anything:
While cranking this collar I remembered my fascination with corrugated ribbing. I LOVE corrugated ribbing! (Shut up, Cara.) K2, P2, but using two colors. The EZ way to do this is to start with Color 1 and K2, sl 2, K2. After you go all the way around, you use Color 2 and sl 2, P2, sl 2, and you end up with a ribbing that is decorative yet inelastic. Just the way I like my men!
Wellanyway, that was such fun that I moved on to
Armhole Steek the Second
See what I mean? See how this is right up there with chronicling a garter stitch scarf? See? Stay with me–maybe there’ll be an explosion or something.
Steek. (The strip of checkerboard stuff.)
CHOPPING THE STEEK.
Great whackin’ maw resulting from steek being chopped.
Next time: The Return of the Perfect Sweater! We have test-knitters bravely trying out The Pattern to make sure there are no faulty O-rings. A full report to come shortly. LATER CLARIFICATION: Neckline designers, do not fear! Just to be clear, we’re still at the elementary stage of getting the very first basic pattern right, before we send it to all the neckline designers. I just want to make sure we’re sending you a solid pattern before everybody starts modifying it. See, if we find some dumb mistake in the basic pattern, and people start modifying the pattern using an incorrect pattern, it gets all, like, confusing. As soon as we’re set on this first pattern, we’re going to have a neckline-designing festival. Thanks to all for your patience! Perfection in ’06!