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Project CRACK

Dear Kay,
It’s happened. Like the girl who discovers peppermint schnapps in the basement of the Rosenblums’ house during her first keg party, I’m a wreck. Last night I watched an episode of Bravo’s Project Runway.
I have to tell you, I could not stop, from the minute that Teutonic freak-of-nature host, Heidi Klum, waltzed out and chirped, “Welcome to the runway.” Unlike other reality shows, Project Runway makes its contestants do something other than see who can stand on a post in the lagoon for the longest time. Watching them scramble around to concoct SOMEthing, before the evil Tim Gunn comes in and shuts them down, is just the best edge-of-your-seat viewing. When Heidi from Sardis, Alabama, lost in the first round, I was boohooing like a drunk fifteen-year-old. Never mind that her muslin dress had too much trim–it was a triumph of the human spirit when she bid farewell to the other contestants in her fabulous accent: “Y’all make awesome stuff!” Peace on, girl!
I’m loading up the TiVo, hon, for a nice long catch-up ride. In the MDK Guide to Must-See TV, we give Project Runway three stars.
Knitting from the Book
In other remarkable news, it appears that for the second time in a row, I’m going to be knitting for my own fambly. First, Hubbo tolerantly agrees to wear a handknit. Now, in a shocking rejection of Polarfleece as the one true fabric, Clif is agitating for a sweater. A handknit sweater, even though he thinks that sweaters have “holes” and don’t keep him very warm. A sweater that is made by ME.
I think he’s being supportive, or something. He has taken the Mason-Dixon book to Sharing twice now, and he seems to want to participate. He picked the most six-year-old-friendly thing in the book:
dragonjeanjacket.jpg
The dragon jean jacket designed by Cristina “Listen to the Materials” Shiffman. He loves this thing. But Clif wants it to be “all knitted,” which means I get to adapt Cristina’s dragon to a sweater. Which, basically, defeats the whole purpose of the dragon jean jacket which is to knit something cute without having to knit all that much.
It is shaping up like this:
dragon1.jpg
I realize that I am able to buy only yarn that is heathered, flecked, tweedy, or otherwise not one color. I tried, I really did, to buy a bright red yarn that Clif thought would look like “burning fire.” But I couldn’t, once I saw this Garnstudio Silke-Tweed. The blues and greens howled at me as I walked by.
It’ll be a sea dragon, OK? He’ll breathe fire and everything–underwater, thassall.
Love,
Ann
PS Taking a stroll through Kroger, the grocery store where I can buy ham and a microwave oven and concert tickets and oil filters for my car, I came upon this:
cheetos.jpg
What are these people thinking? A Cheeto is a Cheeto, natural is natural, and never the twain shall meet. You can’t have a Cheeto that is pale. It just won’t do. A TRAVESTY!
And get a load of this. Where’s the MSG? Where’s the Artificial Color? The Artificial Flavor? This may be a snack, people, but it is NOT a Cheeto. Please call Frito-Lay at 1-800-352-4477 to complain about this dilution of one of America’s great achievements in extruded-snack history. Or write your congressperson.

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52 Comments

52 Comments

  1. Fern meets the Sea Dragon. Love it! Hmmm. I having a hard time thinking of a cool adapted name for the project because Seaweed and Algae just don’t have that wonted lyricism. Nori–maybe Toasted Nori if the Dragon blows fire at it? WWHS (What Would Heidi Say)?

  2. I was thinking you’d be knitting that in… denim?? Couldn’t do it, eh?

  3. I hate the guilt thing. My family has taken to it like ducks to water. I think I’ll feed them natural cheetos till they get over it.

  4. those cheetos are a horror. i thought the baked cheetos were pushing it.
    i mean what about the orange fingers?

  5. NO MSG! I LOVE IT!
    MSG makes me all sicky, you know, migrane-y and nauseated and just yuck enough to be miserable but not enough to go home…..like morning sickness. So I avoid them strenuously….not that I look any thinner for eschewing most snack food….
    NOW I can consume cheezy poofs too! Yee-haw! and if they are available at WallysFoodWonderland, even better. I may have to indulge. I know the kids want to…
    Glad to know you can convert 6 yr olds to handknits. My BoyWonder is wearing his ONE handknit today too (rowan denim, of course.) He would LOVE a dragon jacket. Roll on March!

  6. SOMEONE forgot the bring the book yesterday. Just saying. I would’ve loved to have seen the dragon jacket. Nephew would LOVE that.
    On vakay, after the pedicure, I came back to the room to wait for G and ate practically a whole bag of Cheetos. The orange kind. The ONLY kind. Although I’m all about the Crunchy version. None of that puffs shit for me.

  7. OMG! I love Project Runway. it’s my new favourite crack! I can’t wait for the dvd’s, so I can watch all the extras!! I’m with you on the never knit with a plain colored no fun texture yarn. BOR-ING.

  8. Love the look of the silke-tweed – how about Leviathan? or maybe a Norwegian word for sea monster? I bet they have some good ones!

  9. Only orange cheetos allowed! There was a frito-lay plant in my hometown, and in scouts one of the annual field trips was to go and watch the chips being made. You really haven’t lived until you see a line of pasty white cheetos, all nekkid, go into a huge 20-foot long tube and come out all neon orange. And then you get to eat them hot off the conveyor belt. Orange, like God intended.

  10. My kids won’t eat those Cheetos. And they eat just about anything processed.

  11. Don’t let them fool you about those “natural” Cheetos….I swear they have crack cocaine in them, because they are completely addicting. I’ve had to LIMIT myself to a bag a week.

  12. But how do they taste? Come on over and check out our project runway reviews at saturdaynight.typepad.com/tvblog

  13. Ack! In my world of only truly enjoying junk food that will stain my pants when I absent-mindedly wipe my hands on them, I’m totally grossed out by those Cheetos. Blech.

  14. Ann, it thrills my little knitting heart to know that you, co-author of your very own knitting book, will be knitting a pattern from it for your son – - and that you will be MODIFYING THE PATTERN right out of the gates. I always feel a little guilty when I read a pattern and immediately think, “Ok, this is cute but I’m not going to *exactly* do that…”
    The colors are fabulous. And the albino cheetos are a sacrilege. Please tel me you didn’t purchase any…

  15. My name is Susan and I’m a Project Runway addict. I’ve tried to get off the stuff a number of times but just can’t. I get sucked in by a cute personality or a dress made out of mopheads. I need help. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone.

  16. I love Project Runway. On Sunday I watched two in a row as I knitted. The first challenge was to design a skating costume for Sasha Cohen, who was one of the judges! The second was to design a Barbie outfit for a real live model, who then appeared wearing the outfit and carrying the matching Barbie with her. I was mesmerized.
    AND I’m so impressed with the demand for handknits in your household. When my daughter was 3 she explained that she couldn’t wear something I made because “people will say cute about me” and there’s been no turning back since.

  17. I loved it when Santino started doing the Tim Gunn impersonations. I can’t wait to see him outed on tonight’s episode. Apparently Tim, also thinking it hilarious, makes him do them to his own face! Oh, Santino, how the mighty hath fallen.
    Cheesy Poofs? I don’t think they sell them at the health food store in town. That’s the real test.
    Bravo the little jean jacket that could. Perhaps Clif will one day develop a taste for patterns as written, but then, would that make him your child? Probably not.

  18. I love Project Runway. I even addicted my SO – he keeps impersonating Santino doing tim Gunn. It’s horrifying.

  19. Blonde Cheetos are an abomination in the sight of God. And here in the South, we know about abominations, God, and orange food. I promise you no God fearing person created those things. Funyuns, yes, white Cheetos, no.

  20. Project Runway is worse than Kidsilk Haze. I cannot wait for the new episode tonight … I have some stockinette knitting all lined up so that I can hang on every minute.

  21. That Cheetos packet just looks plain scary.

  22. You have managed in one post to mention 3 of my favorite things: Project Runway, small boys in handknits and Cheetos. The organge crunchy ones all the way baby. White cheetos, ick!!! It’s like caffiene free Diet Coke…why bother.

  23. Run, do not walk, RUN (well, metaphorically speaking) to the Bravo website to see the extra footage from Project Runway! My favorite: Daniel asking Santino to do Tim Gunn singing “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. Best line? “That’s the only thing that gets me through. Well, that and the conjugal visits…”
    Who will be auf’d tonight? Santino is horrible, but Kara is even worse, so I’m torn.

  24. Welcome to the Project Runway universe. The show that my husband tapes so that he can watch it, again, when I get back from my Wednesday night volunteer session. The show that causes all work in our department to sputter on Thursday mornings until we have finished dissecting the previous night’s results. I am Bravo-less this week but I know it will be waiting for me, with a nice glass of Pinot, when I get home on Friday night…
    P.S. — Aw, that dragon! Not that I needed to justify pre-ordering the book, but now I’m thrilled!
    P.P.S. — Tried to consider whether albino cheetos had merit, since knitting and cheetos belong together and knitting and orange dust don’t, but no. Those are just scary!

  25. as a child, the highlight of christmas day at my aunt and uncle’s house was the bowl of cheetos. i loved having powdery, orange lips. i can’t even recall the gifts.

  26. Ann, has anybody THAWT to call Bill O’Reilly and tell him about our nation’s latest plunge into namby-pambitude with these effete so-called “Natural” so-called “Cheetos”?
    What is more ‘natural’–I ask you–than a Cheeto in its original state, be it crunchy or puffed.
    And if we are going to have Natural Cheetos, and I’m NOT saying we should, shouldn’t the package be free of the image of Chester Cheese Cheetah or whatever that Joe Camel of Orange Cheese Powder is called? He is so NOT making it to Whole Foods anytime soon. He needs to look much more like an actual macrobiotic free range Cheetah for that to happen. He needs to contribute 10% of his profits to saving the rainforest for that to even have a prayer of happening.
    Just outraged up here. If this happens to Cheez Doodles (my personal favorite — how low-brow is an IMITATION Cheeto? a knockoff? a store brand? but I find them superior — they are, if anything, more orange dye for your money, people)–I’m emigrating. xoxo Kay

  27. Natural Cheetos are a gift from Our Lord and should be taught as part of Intelligent Design in our public schools.

  28. Those natural Cheetos are GOOD! So good! The natural Doritos are really good, too.

  29. I actually love those cheetos, the cheese is different, yet still..yum. :)

  30. lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah
    that’s the fingers-in-ears “i can’t hear you” song re: project runway
    lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah
    I am appalled and yet totally unsurprised at the idiotic natural Cheetos. Dangit, if you’re going to have a natural snack, get some Smart Puffs; if you’re going to have Chee-tos, have orange fingers! (And if you want orange corn fried things, and you’re allergic to MSG, man, some of the knock-off brands are just as horribly/wonderfully addictive: Trader Joe’s makes one, out West here we have a lovely Tim’s Cascade brand… yum.) You can see I have an issue with the snacks. I have had to upend a bag into the trash once before because I could not stop eating them. But I have had a major breakthrough in orange-coated snacks: Robert’s American Gourmet Soy Crisps in cheddar. Only 100 calories per serving! low in carbs, high in good soy protein!
    okay. and the Clif, who is darling, gets to take the book to Sharing at school in public and we, your most devoted readers, must wait until March? oh the torture…

  31. I’m with you on Project Runway. Totally addictive. If you get a chance, check out season one.

  32. May I de-lurk to comment on Project Runway? My 18 year old daughter got me hooked. I spent the entire weekend watching Season One. Yes, it’s out on DVD. Purchased for a mere $35 at the local Nebraska Furniture Mart….

  33. Oh I can’t wait to get my mitts on that book and make that dragon jacket. So Cute! But in a grown up, manly, 6 year old way, of course. And I can’t wait to see your version, it looks great!

  34. Barbara’s Bakery Cheese Puffs all the way! You can eat them with chop sticks and not get your knitting all cheesy!!!

  35. Angela, you have it half right. It was the Flying Spaghetti Monster who brought forth the Natural Cheeto.
    I am currently (almost) knitless–I mean there are always socks–but I’m feeling a little panicky here. Where is the dang pattern? We’re gonna run out of cold weather!

  36. I’m totally calling my Congressperson about the Cheeto phenomenon. How do you like that dog on the front who looks like he’s GAGGING?!

  37. I got hooked on Project Runway last season – it is the BEST show. I love it! One of the finalist had handknit items in his collection last season. That is when you know it is going to be good.

  38. as someone who really misses junk food, those cheetos are a godsend. I can pronounce everything on the label, which means I can probably eat them without them destroying my system and wracking me with pain for day, so i’m calling to say yay for natural cheetos. i know, i’m a minority, i know.

  39. I began watching Project Runway quite by accident when the first episode aired last season and our entire family is hooked. I actually find Tim Gunn quite endearing and find some of the judges to be too biased. Try to cast season 1 episodes if you get a chance. Austin and Wendy made it quite memorable.
    Diane

  40. erm, I don’t think we have Cheetos here… we do have Frazzles though, rectangles of re-constituted puffed up corn, painted pink and brown to look like crispy bacon and smokey bacon flavoured. Never been near a pig, so beloved of veggies who miss their bacon hit. Actually we do have something called Cheesy Wotsits which might be the same, I’ll have a look next time I go to Tescos. So, to the point of this – Ann, no Cheetos, no point in you emigrating to Fair Isle, land of darkness, dampness, scratchy wool and Puritanical Scots who wouldn’t eat Cheetos even if they could buy them as they’d think they were the Food of Satan. (Can you tell I’m English here?). Kay, where will you emigrate to? No Cheetos here, can’t see the French going for them (way too precious about their cheese, and rightly too)…… we need to discover a Land Of Cheesy Snacks that’s Not the US for you. Perhaps you should have a Poll? x x x

  41. Coming late to the party, I just tuned in to MDK for the first time and knew I had come home. First, you raved about my all-time fave show, Project Runway. Second, there’s lots of knitting stuff going on. Third, I instantly knew you were the one from TN from the reference to “fambly.” Growing up between Knoxville and Chattanooga, I got that one right off. Good to meetcha.

  42. I can’t believe I just spent over five minutes playing Kitten War and caring whether “Marshmallow” was cuter than “Sidney” while I should have been taking advantage of the time to Get Stuff Done while Mark entertains Elio before he (Mark) has to catch the train. I know I shouldn’t admit this even in a virtual room of knitters, but I don’t even like cats. Look for me at mdk-anon.com and BYOC(heetos).

  43. I was going to get the book and now that I see the dragon I will definitely get the book. My daughter loves dragons and jean jackets. I have had these cheetos. They’ll do, but the originals rock.

  44. I am not usually a fan of mixing knits with non-knits. (Then again, I’m also the kind who doesn’t like the meat’s sauce to touch her veggies.) That said, I LOVE THAT DRAGON.
    As for the natural cheetoes, my husband has been saying the same thing for years! Repeatedly! Even when not in the presence of cheetoes.

  45. Project Runway is hopelessly addictive. I use exactly the same reasoning that you do, Ann, for explaining its appeal: the contestants are actual creative people whose goals include more than just winning a big prize and getting their names and faces on TV. (Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to win money and be on TV, per se.)
    Bravo has been running marathons of the full season on Saturdays, btw. I wish they’d rerun season 1, which I never saw, but in the meantime I’m happy to while away a few hours on Saturdays watching episodes I’ve already seen.
    Congratulations to you both on the great write-up that the book received in this week’s Knitter’s Review newsletter. It reminded me to put the book on my Amazon wish list. I can’t wait to read it.

  46. Okay – no orange fingers aside – those Cheetos are dam’ fine eating.. and no MSG!! Heck, for the older (not so grown up) version of me to power through a bag of the orange-y msg-y cheetos would be a bad thing…. I can have a couple double handsful of the natural Cheetos and keep on rocking without the nasty headache!! (all hail the Real Cheetos though…)
    AND…can’t wait to see the water dragon sweater in completion – it will be totally awesome of course!

  47. What a great review in the Knitter’s Review! I already knew I wanted this book (’cause you two are awesome), the dragon raised it to “need”, and now I’m frothing at the bit until it is shipping!!
    Because, you know, who doesn’t need a denim jacket with a dragon on the back? Even if I suspect it is only in kids sizes in the book – I’ll make it work…

  48. I, too, am enamored of tweedy, heathery yarns. Can you please tell me some of your favorite brands so that I can expand my repertoire?
    Thank you.
    Debra

  49. Congratulations on the great review in Knitters Review. I had already ordered your book through Amazon but was very excited to see little pictures of what will be inside. Can’t wait and congratulations!

  50. I too am completely addicted to Project Runway! After watching the first episode of this season I ran out and bought season one (with money that should have been spent on yarn, I might add)! Chloe is by far my favorite but I hope that Santino makes it to the final three because I want to see what kind of crazy stuff he makes!!

  51. Just came back from my first trip to Myrtle Beach (and my first Kroger’s), all I can say is WOW, y’all like big bags of snacks in the south

  52. don’t you just love to hate kroger. i mean, you’d think they’d focus on, oh i don’t know, GROCERIES. i don’t shop there for that reason. ugh.