Stitches Per Dollar Is The New Gauge
August 15, 2009
I saw an ad on Ravelry that tickled me for some reason. It was a photo of an exquisitely translucent lace stole, accompanied by this copy:
“BAD ECONOMY? LACE IS CHEAP.”
Now that’s telling it like it is, sistah! It makes sense: since yarn is priced by weight, the thinner it gets–the closer to laceweight– the more stitches–and hours– you can knit, for less money.
Sheer knits, ultra-fine-gauge knits, are econo-knits. Everybody: get busy on a Belinda shawl or a Cardi Cozy. Whisper-thin never looked so not cheap while being so actually cheap.
In some future, more flush time, we’ll sit on silk divans, cocooned in chunky cashmere sweaters, drinking champagne lattes and laughing about the bad old days. “Remember how diaphanous our knitting was?” “I swear, my sweaters got so thin, they were illegal in 7 states!”
What happens if times get rilly hard, and we can’t even pinch enough pennies together for a thousand yards of laceweight? The next phase: Virtual Knits. How it works: You find a pattern. Think of the most luxurious yarn you can imagine. You’re not going to buy it, so turn it up to 11! Now, making sure you follow the pattern EXACTLY, and using the correct needles (you already own them, so why not amortize the investment?), virtually knit the whole thing. Just sit there moving your needles. No more balls of yarn bouncing down the subway car! Actual yarn is SO 2007! It’s the honor system, y’all. You can’t just randomly clickety-clack, like a dang mime. You must follow the pattern, and sometimes you must even rip back your imaginary project a few imaginary rows to correct an imaginary mistake.
Hey wait a minute! Is there already an iPhone app for this? WiiKnit?
Think of the money we’ll save! And before you know it, people will be blogging about how they’ve got too many imaginary UFOs, and it’s creating imaginary clutter and collecting imaginary dust bunnies, and they are imagining their husbands bitching about the imaginary credit card bills, and they’re feeling imaginarily guilty but not really.
Or maybe not. Maybe we can just knit from stash for The Duration. Stash, when you think about it correctly, is what the accountants call a “sunk” expenditure. Translation: it’s not just cheap, it’s FREE. Knit it up.