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A Message From Das Uberwascher

ACHTUNG FRAU MASON UND DIXON KAY!
Ich bin das uberwascher, hier.
Rememberen sie das blauenpuddlen on die kuchenfloor?
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Ich feelen nein so gut. Ach! Die orang taffelclothier ist Kaput!
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Jah! Die gemutlich und bestest taffelcloth! Ach! Telefonen Herr WascherDoktor!
Mach Schnell! Nein strikken! Nein even das neue babyKardigan:
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Nein drinken liebfraumilch! Nein essen tschokolade! Mach Schnell!
Hugs und Kusses von
Das Uberwasher
(Apologies to everybody in the world who speaks actual German. I’m punch-drunk after spending 45 minutes on my wet kitchen floor, being talked through how to drain Herr Miele — who I’m told is ‘very old’ — and pry his door open to rescue my sopping wet, bestest orange tablecloth. I was so brave! The water was so yucky! Must knit all afternoon just to calm down. The newly cast-on baby cardigan is Candy from Rowan 31, which has been taking up stash space for long enough. I tweaked the colors a little bit to match a size 4 dress of Carrie’s that Rosie will soon be ready for.)

15 Comments

15 Comments

  1. Ich haben gestopped gepaying mein overduen bills to gespy onst der blogge und vat durst ich see?
    Ein gefreaking niebelung has come to your kuchen. Sorry about Herr Miele. Needs to be shipped back to the Old Country.
    And you KNOW I totally adore that cardigan you’ve started. So glad that somebody around here is actually knitting something other than vague swatchy rectangles of yarn that could someday be a part of a lovely sweater. This is getting pathetic over here. Maybe an orange tablecloth? I could do that?

  2. Your german seems fine.
    My beloved Mr Washie and I send our deepest sympathies for you and Herr Miele. I know this is a time of great pain and testing. Hold on. Email if you need me to send coffee or ….well, whiskey.

  3. Wow, for a minute there I was thinking — how could I be reading German? I don’t know how to read German, and yet this is making total sense to me! Wow!
    Then I realized that, shades of the Rebecca entry, it was another example of utterly clever MD writing. Duh. Clearly, I’M the one who needs caffeine. (And I could really use some knitting. But this equity spreadsheet will have to do for now.)

  4. Sprechen Sie auf Deutsch zu das uberwascher? Es ist nicht ein gut uberwascher!
    I’m rolling in my cubicle…speak to it sternly in German, perhaps that will help. Do you need some German curse words?

  5. I hope you can rescue the dishcloth. At least it is now clear that there is no blue-soccer-sweater-residue in the machine. I must admitt to being enough of a poluglot language-snob that your brave attempts at German had my toes curling. ;)

  6. Tricky little devils these washing machines aren’t they ? When I was a poor student and lived in a rented flat, me and the rented washing machine had a hate/hate relationship going on. It hung on like grim death one day refusing to open the door till I completely lost the plot and hit it with a hammer – oops ! Sorry about the soapy water running down your walls Mr Flat Beneath Mine ….
    An embarrassment only equalled by having the repair man (who looked like a slightly rumpled Tom Cruise) handing me a mangled bra underwire and a pair of humungeous knickers which had been caught round the thingummyjig whatsit. “MMM, droopy boobs and a big arse” he thought (I could tell you know )… Oh floor just open up and swallow me whole !

  7. Hehe. OK, I’ll forgive the German. I’m still cracking up on the Kuche wihtout umlaut, which makes it be a cake in Dativ. Hahaha. On your cake floor! Hahaha. And why, please tell, did you capitalize the adjectives, but lower case the nowns! Haha.
    Oh, dem Tischtuch gute Besserung! I’m confusing the issues here.

  8. Somehow I knew I’d hear from Thomas and Valentina. In my defense, even if I wanted to use an umlaut, which of course I would LOVE to–the more the better when speaking Fake Deutsch– I haven’t figure that out on my computer. It IS my cake floor, of course–where do you think the cake lands? I have no idea where the capitals go, only that the Germans seem to use a Lot of Them. I think that if I were writing that saying about a woman’s place (“Kitchen, Church and Children,”) it would come out Cake, Cherries and Children, which sort of makes you wonder what the women’s movement was so upset about, doesn’t it?
    Drowning my blue-state blues in Cake and Cherries, or perhaps Cherry Water, xoxo Kay

  9. Tis a day for disaster, overall. I know that you will make it, though, and I enjoyed the KayenDuetsch.
    Tchus!

  10. I loved your KayDeutsch. It reminded me of living in Germany and cracking up with Herr Auto Fixer when my Dad asked if his car would be finished “Wenstag” (Wednesday + tag which is day auf Deutsch) or sitting in Headstart German classes with a friend who, during a practice “ordering from a menu” session, asked for “Kinderbraten” (roast child) instead of “Rinderbraten” (roast beef). The whole time we lived in Germany, I don’t think my husband or I ever ordered roast beef with a straight face.

  11. Mary Neal, that comment of yours had me spraying a perfectly good cup of coffee over my monitor (which needed to be cleaned anyway). I think the word you are looking for is ‘schiesse’. What you said is the S-word as verbum. ;)

  12. Right you are, Thomas. This was the sentence (using shiesse, of course) that was used to TEACH US THE DIFFERENCE between ie and ei.
    Another good one was, “Dieter hat zuviel getrunken und ist unter den Tisch gefallen. Jetzt ist er unter dem Tisch,” to teach us the difference between accusative and dative.
    The guys who wrote the most commonly used German textbook here in the states were my professors. They loved to write silly sentences, mostly about each other.

  13. Oh fab and supremely splendid – only hope the Tafelklothen uberlived the Ordeal.

  14. LOVE your Deutsch, Two more weeks and I will be picking up my BA german! My Frau Miele sais: Gute Besserung Herr Miele, ich hoffe es geht Ihnen bald wieder ein wenig besser. Repariert zu werden tut sooooooo weh…
    I knit the contintal way and the KSH is cutting into my finger. Thank you for your web site.
    Our daughter made us visit the Monument in Monument London today, 311 steps to the top, I was to wiped out to knit on the way home. I actually suffer from vertigo, I was shuffiling along the wall on the way up until I remembered what it looks like from the outside. Girl was I glad to be back down.
    Happy knitting.
    Froehliches Stricken.

  15. I’m so glad Thomas dealt with the shoot vs sh*t mishap already. I’d like to get a hold of your book, Mary Neal, it might make the hubby actually learn something.