All the Cool Kids Are Doing It
March 24, 2008
I interrupt this rag-rug joinery seminar to bring you breaking news.
Today I am 50. As in, years old.
You will be happy to know that last night, I marked the last meal of my fifth decade with french fries. (Because everybody knows that Eve’s downfall was not so much the apples, but the french fries.)
I have decided it is not a big deal to be turning 50. It is merely a mile marker on the journey to my true self, which is a Fabulous Old Lady. From the beginning, my life has been rich with old ladies, who have cheered me on, given me excellent tips and just been really great to me. In one Old Lady Episode that still brings tears to my eyes, an Old Lady who was on my side took a big swipe at an old lady who was being mean to me.
I light a candle to those who go before me and light my way: Ste. Meredith of Vieira, Ste. Diane of Keaton, and Our Lady Helen of Mirren. I would not give back one year, so I guess I have to be this age. It’s not a bad bargain.
Beauty Secrets for Aging Gracefully
Two tips for you youngsters out there:
1. There is nothing like a hand-tinted B & W photograph to show you at your best. (The dress was really red. The photographer kept telling me to lick my lips. An imperious old lady was standing behind him ordering me to “Smile!”)
2. Maintain the same hairstyle, with a death grip, as long as you can. In the 47 years since this picture was taken, my only adjustments have been to lengthen the bangs and lose the ribbon. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.