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Bad Boy, Bad Boy

[WARNING: No Knitting Content; Minimal Crochet; Some Acrylic]
New York (AP)
Officials have confirmed that a rodent known as ‘Hammy’ escaped this evening from a minimum-security facility in Manhattan. Probationary agents, who reportedly were seeking to obtain Hammy’s cooperation in an investigation of what happens when a hamster is allowed free run of a Brio train set, lost sight of the furry felon when he ducked under a radiator cover. Senior officials who do not care if they are named, missy, have confirmed that their subordinates’ actions in removing Hammy from his usual place of confinement and transporting him across the apartment without authorization will result in severe disciplinary proceedings such as not reading a chapter of Little House on the Prairie tonight and maybe even tomorrow night.
A high-level administration official was called away from reading knitting blogs and talking on the telephone to personally oversee the stakeout of Hammy’s hideout. After a special operations unit removed the radiator cover, the crime scene was strewn with sunflower seeds, and agents settled in with flashlights and low-calorie beers for a long night.
Authorities credit the eventual capture of Hammy, who had eluded a cardboard roadblock set up outside the radiator and holed up in a nearby closet containing men’s shoes and neckties going back to the mid-80s, to information provided by this woman:
bootsy.jpg
The informant, shown wearing a Noro beret and a purple acrylic poncho to protect her identity, provided the break agents were hoping for when she suggested that Hammy might be in the closet and it wouldn’t hurt to look.
Authorities deny that the poncho-wearing cooperator is in fact Bootsy Collins.

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33 Comments

33 Comments

  1. So I check in for my daily read…. what a surprise… today’s found object is THE VERY QUILT i saw at the Kaffe exhibition and mentioned the other day! Isn’t it fantastic! I’m tempted to ask my co-workers if they have any old city stripey shirts they want to donate to me…. and then learn how to quilt… hhhhmmm maybe I’ll just admire yours Ann!
    P.S. Glad to hear Hammy was re-captured without harm to man, beast or apartment.

  2. Sounds like an interesting evening! Glad Hammy is now safely back where he belongs, lets hope there are no repeat escape performances any time soon!

  3. No Little House on the Prairie !
    MAMA !!!!! [=wail]

  4. That poncho looks as if it lurked in there with the old neckties. It is amazing to see old photographs of people or oneself. Like ‘ohmygood, what was I thinking with that shirt/haircut/item-of-clothing…’

  5. Bwah! That’s all I have to say. :)

  6. That is too funny! I needed a good laugh this morning. That’s the first time I’ve seen Bootsy’s site too — gotta love Bootsy.

  7. Thank goodness Hammy has come out of the closet at last!
    Aara

  8. Sarah–I KNOW! When you described the quilt you saw at the exhibition, I thought, hm, intriguing, wonder what it looks like. When I saw the quilt in Passionate Patchwork, I understood in a snap why it made an impression on you.
    Come on! Start mooching striped shirts! We can have a transatlantic nonknitting quiltalong. Kaffe suggests getting shirts at secondhand shops.
    And, uh, Bootsy! LOL. That poncho is killer. The real deal.
    I showed David Hammy in a Tube, and he squealed with hilarity. I do think Hammy shows a lot more gumption than our fat, leg-challenged Squeaker. When the guinea pig is let loose for her daily Pilates, she kind of tiptoes for the nearest chair leg and stares at us. Massive agoraphobia.
    Glad Hammy is back in custody.
    x0x0

  9. PS No Little House? Cruel n unusual punishment.
    Where are you in Little House? I found The Long Winter to be an actual, real-live piece of fiction. It has that bleakness that feels modern.

  10. Thanks for sharing Hammy’s adventures! My husband had a Hamster named Hammy as a kid and still talks about how great he was! :-)

  11. yo! where is my reward for “ratting” out the hamster!! (no pun intended)
    and as for the poncho, i take UMBRAGE to those who do not recognize its beauty, its totally cutting edge retro fashion charm. please note, this informant has been much complimented, as well as inquired of pattern. and its only PART acyric, as was derigueur of the time!! and its snuggly!! just admit it y’all, you KNOW you want one!!
    peace out!!

  12. Points of clarification:
    1. Re: Hammy coming out of the closet (LOL), there is always the danger that he will go back in. He loves closets.
    2. Wasn’t able to pull the trigger on the No Little House threat, which indeed would be viewed as capital punishment. But she had to hear it read by her Dad, who brings his particular I-grew-up-in-Washington-Heights slant to Laura & Mary’s pioneer adventures and has difficulty singing the tune to anything, let alone Old Dan Tucker (or whatever–the guy who combed his hair with a wagon wheel and died from a toothache in his heel), instead of from her mom, who can interrupt the tale now and then with true-life stories of her ancestors’ misadventures in Indian Country.
    3. My favorite is The Long Winter. I truly believe it was ghost-written by Willa Cather. I read these books 4 or 5 times, the whole series, as a kid, but the only one I really remember is The Long Winter. The story of Pa having to sleep in the snowbank and eat all the horehound candy he was bringing the girls from the store—still gets to me.
    4. I. Love. That. Quilt.
    Peace out, Love Gangstas. xox Kay

  13. Btw, that quilt looks very knittable too. The next project after the Gees Bend Homage?

  14. I like your blog! My closest friend and I are both knitters and are considering starting a blog together. How do you manage it (logistically, I mean)?
    By the way, I am traveling in April (I hope) to meet my precious daughter in China! Love the hippy-dippy poncho (and model too) – pattern to share?
    Thanks!
    Vicky from NH (and Polly from NY)

  15. You know what Ann, you’re on! I’m going to check out those 2nd hand shops and get myself a sweet little rotary cutter – can you get them with safety guards?
    OK I’m not ruling out making only a baby size quilt but it’ll probably take as long as your 3!

  16. In Rowan Patchwork & Quilting Book #2, which I just happen to have, there is an African Baby Quilt which would be a perfect beginner project, according to Kaffe who we know to be completely delusional whenever he describes something as a perfect beginner project, but whatever. It is shirting stripes and brighter fabrics that look very much like Madras plaid shirts. I throw that out there for you guys to cut your rotary cutter teeth on. xox Kay

  17. What a great hamster adventure. I remember a time when I was young that my hamster escaped through a tear in a chair and my Dad had to rip the backing off it to rescue him (luckily it was an old chair anyways).

  18. And Thomas!! I thought you were kidding about knitting that shirting-stripes quilt, but all you’d have to do is combine the large and small ‘Psycho’ afghan squares and wa-la: you;ve got Knilt (still think your coinage of that very necessary term is BRILLIANT). (Anybody who is not tuned into Thomas and my wave re: Psycho afghans, click on his URL and be amazed. I have glommed onto Thomas’ plan in a sort of psych-along; 80 mitred squares? Not a problem (for Thomas).)
    The math of combining large & small squares may be beyond me, I fear. Perhaps someone brainy who is, for example, studying for a PhD in some sciencey kind of field, would be more up to the challenge than I? Square stuff rules!!! xox Kay

  19. yooooo hooooey, ann!! i am looking at extreme amounts of old, vintage (and somewhat yellowed, for the authentic gee bends look) fabrics and linens, which i would gladly donate to your quilt along. perhaps instead of handing the goods off to someone else to quilt up, we arrange a weekend where we all get together and put it together with you/for you/for all of us?

  20. Kay,
    to get the stripe sequence correct, I’d knit those Madras shirt squares on dpns, from the center out, 8 increases every other row, paired along the diagonal lines.
    Sizes, well, it looks like you got a 1x, 2x, 3x thing going in the quilt, so if the suares were knitted to e.g. 40/80/120 stitches per last row, they’d fit perfectly into the size scheme.
    As for Psycho, I’ve decided to sew the squares together as soon as I have 4. I’d rather deal with 20 large squares than 80 small one.
    Hugs,
    Thos.

  21. You just can’t trust these hamsters you know …btw, does Hammy have any Scottish origins ? A great, great uncle Hamish Hammy ?? I only ask as my husband’s very own Hammy (circa 1975) staged a similar great escape and lived for a week inside the central heating system. Finally emerged somewhat more slender and with scorched paws but otherwise fine and lived to escape again …never to be found. Tragic really. Heather

  22. or perhaps he jumped a ship and emigrated to the “New World@ ? ….

  23. hey ladies,
    what’s the story with the quilt you just added to ‘found objects’?

  24. never-mind. i should have read the comments first!

  25. Lisa–You can read about the FOs at the bottom of the column. Just click on the dates.
    I am still fantasizing about cutting out those triangles.

  26. Hey, is that poncho wearing, hammy snaring woman Ms Curls n Purls?

  27. I am glad Hammy is ok, but *no* not the Little House ban! I just finished Farmer Boy last night in one whole sitting no less, it’s addictive! Poor kiddo ;-)

  28. Hey Bootsy–Vintage fabrics? You need to get a funkaliciously sentimental quilt vibe going yourself. Get on it, now.
    Failing that, we really should have a summit meeting between the executive staff of curlsandpurlsNYC and MDK. Heck, just make it a Worldwide Convocation of Knitblogsters.

  29. I’d be all over it. It could be a rodent and knitting summit, asking such questions as “Where are the patterns for knitted HAMSTER toys? Eh? Eh?”
    Glad that Hammy is safely back in the big house. ;)

  30. Ladies! Quick! The Gee’s Bend Quilters are on Martha! Complicated feelings indeed!

  31. Rose, and everybody: Yes, I was in Florida this morning, trudging along on the hotel treadmill, channel-surfing at the same time (this hotel had BBC America, so you KNOW where I was heading: Room Rivals and Garden Rivals, back to back!!! It’s paradise!!!!!!!), and there I saw the face of someone who is at the top of my list of my very favorite people I don’t actually know — and it wasn’t even you, Ann!– it was Essie Bendolph Pettway, who at 46 is the youngest of the quilters who had a quilt in the Quilts of Gee’s Bend exhibit currently touring the country. The camera panned a room that was very un-Gee’s Bendy in its immaculately bland Martha-ness, and there was Martha and two other familiar faces from my dog-eared copy of ‘The Quilts of Gee’s Bend’. Essie Pettway shared that she had innovated the idea of stapling quilt tops to the quilting frame, and Martha, who herself knows her way around a staple-gun, purely BEAMED. Martha said many dumb things and asked many dumb questions. She actually repeated the phrase, ‘old clothes and britches legs’, with her jaw dropping. The selection of quilts in the background also struck me as a bit, well, clappy-happy compared to the bleaker Gee’s Bends I love. But still, to see Martha embrace Gee’s Bend—-it gave me a strange feeling.
    Right after Gee’s Bend she had a bit on collecting African art. Then it hit me: this is Martha Does Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Such a subtle touch, has Martha.
    Complicated feelings, indeed.
    But my feelings for Essie Bendolph Pettway remain uncomplicated. I would love to meet that woman. She laughed right in Martha’s face when she answered her question, how long does it take to make one of these things: ‘A day and a half if you can just sit and do it!’ Martha was stunned. She continued to pretend to quilt on the quilt-frame, but she was stunned, I tell you.
    Can anybody tell me what growing plants in jars has to do with Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday? She lost me there.
    xox, Love, Kay

  32. I just don’t know what to think. I just don’t know. I mean, as we head into the litigation phase of Martha’s plight, I think it’s appropriate to mull for a second what exactly the deal is with Martha. I think this Gee’s Bend episode illustrates perfectly the Problem with Martha: she lacks the common touch, utterly. She cannot let it fly.

  33. Laughed till I cried….but don’t the pediatricians say that withholding reading isn’t the way to go for punishment? (It doesn’t work at my house, they’d rather watch the “Fairly Odd Parents”…literally and figuratively!
    Wendy