Need a holiday handknit? Time for a Schmatta!

Near Miss, Four Hits, and a Torcon 9 Craft Project

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Dear Kay,
Yesterday’s tornadoes apparently filled a month’s quota on tornadoes for the United States, awful in every way.
We in Nashville were lucky to dodge the worst of it, though we did get a midafternoon dose of crazy that resulted in a) quality time in our basement, b) hail the size of golf balls, so remarkable that Facebook erupted in pix of amazed Nashvillian hands displaying huge pearls of the stuff, and c) such widespread minor damage that the Tennessean quickly cooked up blazing headline coverage of the fact that insurance will likely cover your dented car.
The hail was really something, LOUD, nature’s equivalent of chucking rocks at your house.
When we emerged from our bunker, the kitchen was covered in shards of glass, four panes busted.
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(Untempered glass, my son pointed out, then suggested that we replace every window in the house with tempered glass, which IS a good idea, and sounded so much like something his father would say that it made my teeth ache with tenderness.)
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The only evidence of what had caused this mess: small puddles of water. It was like somebody had murdered my windows with an icicle.
In the interest of reducing crime (sad to read that the originator of the “broken window” theory of crime reduction* just died), I immediately beelined for my stash of tornado repair materials to patch up the windows.
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Feel free to clip ‘n’ save this tutorial for the time you need to patch up windows busted out by golf-ball-size hail.
FEMA says to use Martha Stewart Craft Paper because it’s so nice. I used it because bandanas are just so freakin cheerful.
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Trim your cardboard for a nice fit. Miter those corners!
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As so often happens with projects involving materials made by Martha Stewart, this got tedious pretty fast.
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There are other options available, just saying.
Love,
Ann
* When a window is broken and someone fixes it, that is a sign that disorder will not be tolerated. But an unrepaired broken window is a signal that no one cares, and so breaking more windows costs nothing.

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46 Comments

46 Comments

  1. What a great idea. Glad you were safe.

  2. So glad y’all are safe! We too spent some quality time in the church basement… with a hundred or so teenagers. Good times! I did finish my Fussy Cuts square though. Have knitting; have peace. Now on to another… :)

  3. There’s a magazine called “Garden & Gun”?
    The things I learn here.

  4. Impressive hail! Really, really, really glad that was pretty much the worst of it.

  5. How can that carton of Ben &Jerry’s still be in the freezer? It should have been part of the provisions for the basement stay!

  6. An MS project got tedious fast. True that! (and wow, window smashing hail!)

  7. Even more surprising that Ann apparently reads Gardn & Gun! So glad you are safe.

  8. Well, we have our winner!
    If you have satellite radio then surely you are aware that every Monday morning on Martha Stewart Radio, the hosts play a call-in game called “How Martha Were You this Weekend?”. People call in and offer up all their crafting, gardening and cooking projects in hopes of winning an Official Martha Stewart silicone spatula.
    Ann, I do believe you have them all beat – I’m sure you’ll get bonus points for using & blogging about the MS products. Enjoy your spatula! After what you’ve been through – you deserve it.

  9. May the powers above spare us more “interesting” weather – not that we have had any here this season (yet) in the Northeast. In an aside, I love the pillow covers showing in the bottom photo.

  10. I was on the other side of the tornadoes. (What is the plural of tornado?) The most damage we had was some garbage cans blowing down the road, and the hell the wind played on my neveres. Small price really.

  11. I meant nerves.

  12. Okay, I’m with Amy, got a laugh when I saw Garden & Gun!!
    Glad you are safe and that insurance will cover you!!!

  13. Ann, so glad to hear that you and your family were safe during the ordeal.
    As many in your area will probably replace their hail-damaged roofs in the coming months, be prepared for shock when you receive your next homeowner’s insurance renewal. I know of which I speak; I live in the “Hail Capital of Texas”. We pay the highest homeowner’s rates in the state, if not in the nation due to numerous hailstorms.
    Who knew that a knitting blog could be so informative? I had not heard of Mr. Wilson (may he rest in peace), and his social theories sound intriguing. I must check out his writings. Squeegie men?–Texas must be behind in its social decay, as I have never heard of them either.
    Mary G. in Texas

  14. glad you and family are safe the ides of march i guess my love to all the readers in harms way

  15. Whew, I’m glad that the tornadoes bypassed you.

  16. Glad you are safe and that it was only a few window panes.

  17. I’m so glad to hear that y’all are all right. Thankfully, in my little corner of central Kentucky the worst of it just seemed to go around us.

  18. First, very glad to know you are all well! Second, I love it that your Tornado Preparedness Plan includes colorful paper. Also, that your freezer contains a “reduced guilt” product four inches away from Ben&Jerry. Life…it is all about the balance and the contradiction, no? And the colorful paper.
    Speaking of which, I picked up a copy of Garden & Gun at Barnes&Noble here in MA when I was looking for potential “pitch” magazines for freelance work, several years ago. It’s a lovely magazine – excellent writing, excellent photography. (Come to think of it, maybe it’s time to actually pitch something to them.) I’ll bet if your readers check out the G&G website, they will be surprised. And lost for hours :)

  19. Interesting that you quoted the”broken window theory” The gentleman who coined the phrase and came up with the theory passed away in Boston just yesterday. I saw Garden and Gun recently on a newstand and thought someone was pulling a prank.

  20. I’m surprised that more people don’t know that G&G has overtaken Southern Living in coolness factor. We’re amused by the practicality of this use: suggesting that the owners of this house may be prepared to defend it despite its temporarily broken windows. Not A Bad Thing Really.

  21. Glad you survived the hailacious weather. Hubs and I continued to antique in Fairview as Dear Daughter was madly texting us from deep within a basement in 5 Points that a tornado had just hit at the 172. We stayed with the owners until the lights went out – and then all decided to head home. Lisa Patton kept telling us to get to a safe place, but what can be safer than being surrounded by 100 year old glass? It wouldn’t dare hit there! Besides, a second grader had asked me what “tomato warnings” were. Had to laugh.

  22. Glad you and the family are safe and sound!

  23. OK Ann you win the you are so Martha if…. contest this week. Really love the window repairs.

  24. Was not familiar with Garden & Gun…is it about shooting stuff in your garden? Ornaments or critters?
    Glad you’re ok, though.

  25. Wow, I was in a hail storm like that once while camping in a tent trailer — scariest day of my childhood. Glad to hear you are all safe!

  26. Yikes! My sister lives near Brown’s Diner and had similar sized hail through her kitchen window. She was sad because her house is from 1905 and she thinks the windows were original to the house. :( Not replaceable…

  27. “As so often happens with projects involving materials made by Martha Stewart, this got tedious pretty fast.”
    Bwa haw haw haw! You ladies are too, too much! (and too, too true.) You know, if you aren’t growing your own grape vines to make a grave vine wreath, well….
    Those panes look so lovely, you just might not ever fix them. Maybe next time a knitted window cozy in case of hail?
    Glad you are OK.

  28. glad you fared well in the nasty weather.
    loved the window repair.

  29. I’m going to read the rest of the post as soon as I send this, but am stuck at the picture of your freezer with TJ”s GUILT FREE mac and cheese and the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream!!
    This is just one more proof that you are my kind of gal and that I love you!
    xoxox
    jillie

  30. glad you’re safe.
    This post combined a bunch of my favorite things:
    1) sociology. James Wilson may not have thought of himself as a sociologist but he was, because anything related to how we live in the world and organize life, is within our purview.
    2) Crafting
    3) Southernness. I want that sun hat on the cover of Gardens & Guns.

  31. Tempered glass may not do much to save your windows. As a long time resident of Oklahoma I find that golf ball to softball sized hail will break through that just fine. On the other hand, my car has the scars from a baseball sized hail event and is the greatest conversation starter ever here in Massachusetts!

  32. So glad Nashville made it through relatively unscathed. I once watched a Martha episode where she replaced her own broken windowpanes. This involved little pointy things and some sort of putty. I assume it was special Martha decorator putty—which she piped on like cake frosting).:-)

  33. Glad you’re all safe. Love the window patching!

  34. I am glad you are safe and sorry for the damage you suffered. You are also a good reminder of inner resourcefulness.

  35. Good to read you and yours are safe, and resourceful as ever. Garden and Gun? Something for the whole family! We’d have something similar available out West, but the gardening is a tough go of it. When the home shows feature Xeriscaping…

  36. Speaking as a Kentuckian who spent part of the day under a TOR:CON of 10 (but never actually went to the basement this time), so many of us were so incredibly lucky none of the large cities in the warned areas got hit – an EF3 to 4 on the ground for 52 miles through Louisville, Cincinnati or Nashville is unimaginable (but small comfort to those in rural areas of Indiana and eastern Kentucky who lost family and friends and/or all their possessions – and now are dealing with snow on top of everything).

  37. Sure am glad you are safe. Had no idea about Garden & Gun, but it sure does sum it up!

  38. Glad you and yours are safe!

  39. Had to laugh at the internet trail. Read your blog (glad you are all safe), saw the magazine, Googled. Read sections. Fell into the dog photos hard and deep. Love me a good dog photo. 50, that much better. Passed on link to friends. Was queried: Garden and Gun? Not a northern CA thing (despite being born in Murfreesburo many years ago). Just plain fun.

  40. I love Garden & Gun

  41. So very glad that you and yours are safe! Aaaannndd, you’re right, those “bandanas” ARE freakin cheerful…
    Now, I did not realize that you had a Trader Joe’s close by. Hmm, “reduced guilt” macaroni and cheese. Does this mean there’s more (guilt-free) “room” for one of their “Pound Plus” Belgian chocolate bars? (you know, le pound plus that generally begets le plus size…)
    ANYway, glad you are all OK.
    LoveDiane

  42. I once had hail like that in my freezer (after having it almost strike my temple for twenty minutes on end) and a couple of months later a friend of mine inadvertently used it to make a cocktail with! When I realized what had happened he admitted to having wondered why there were a bunch of black specks in there for no good reason,

  43. So glad you had only minor damage. We were lucky in our little corner of Tennessee, a little ways north of Chattanooga. My daughter’s car got some minor hail damage, but that was it. By the way, I love G&G too!

  44. I spent Friday night just south of Cleveland listening to Chattanooga TV weathermen track storms from Monteagle to Murphy, NC. All the while working on my project from Rowan # 50. And Garden & Gun – I didn’t know it existed until I saw that Fox’s Liquor Bar here in town is one of G&G’s “Top 50 Bars in the South.” I don’t recall Southern LIving ever rating liquor bars. Truly Ann is ahead of the game here.

  45. Glad you’re ok. We had a harrowing experience with Tennessee weather last spring when we were in Memphis for a couple of days. It rained as much in those 2 days as we normally get in an entire year. Also it hailed. Also the tornado sirens went off twice (we were at a museum during one of them and had to stay in their shelter until the sirens shut down, and didn’t get to see the rest of the museum). It was exhausting.
    On the other hand, the barbeque was really good!

  46. while I am very glad you are ok, I must admit, I hooted with laughter at your comments about the tediousness of MS crafts