Night of the Living Dead
October 30, 2003
It’s very nearly Halloween, and to get you in the mood I thought I’d roll out my Scary Early Sweaters. Misshapen woollens that were unloaded on goodhearted friends, who couldn’t throw them out (since I might stop by to take a picture of them 10 years later), but that even the kindest pal would not be caught Undead in. Woeful garments that will clank their chains and moan piteously as they wander the knitting knetherworld for all eternity.
[This show is rated PG-13. Profanity, misattached body parts, some Handpaint.]
Hold onto your candy corn and scream the house down for:
This…Thing, this Creature, started out, innocently enough, as the Moss Waistcoat from Annabel Fox’s Amberly Collection. My friend Diana requested it (at the time, she was being held at The Yarn Company against her will). I was so very young. Heedless of dark forces I could not comprehend, I substituted Tahki Donegal Tweed for the prescribed Annabel Fox Double Knitting. A mere 7 or 8 stitch gauge difference: how was I to know–they were both green!
Slowly, inexorably, the terror grew. I realized that in moss stitch, I was incapable of increasing, decreasing or knitting straight. At times, I broke out in spontaneous ribbing. The side shapings on the back bore no resemblance whatsoever to each other, or to the side shapings on the fronts. The fronts were completely different in both size and shape. I could not tell the Right Side from the Wrong Side; there was no Right Side. In an evening that I can recall only in jittery flashes of hand-held black & white cinematography, I sewed these appalling parts together.
When I presented it to Di, she could not even muster a sickly smile. She stared at it blankly. She whispered, ‘Thank. You.’ (Did my ears deceive me, or did she add, ‘Satan’?)
We never spoke of it again.
And now, please beep your exorcist before viewing…..
Frankenstein! (My niece is turning into a Pod Person just modeling the thing–check out the dislocated shoulders!)
And finally, my very first grotesque experiment, my debut sweater from 1992:
The Blob. A sweater so itchy it can only be explained by the Occult.
Have a great Halloween. It must be a frightful night indeed in Nashville, given the country music hairdos and all. Do little children dress up as Wynonna?
I will not be home for Halloween this year. Hubby and I are taking off on our first vacation without kids, since we’ve had kids. Talk about scary! I will post from rustic Internet cafes on the road. The KayCam will not take a holiday.
Happy Halloween everybody!