The Seven Deadly Vintage Knitting Needles
July 11, 2006
So last week Cara calls me up. I get the warm ‘Dude!’ greeting that always takes 10 years off my age, and an invitation to come help pack Spin Out prizes on Monday. ‘Dude!’ I said, ‘I’m so there!’ I mean, really dude, after the month I’ve been through, if I can’t pack and unpack a box, I don’t know who can. I can dump out a box, pack the contents in another box, put the box in a stack of boxes, and forget about what’s inside better and faster than any other dude.
I was not worried about the Sin of Covetousness. There would not be any whimsical printed fabrics there. I don’t spin, and I’m allergic to wool. I can look at 8 ounces of your Corleydale, your Wensleydale–any of your damn dales–and it’s all sheep to me. I pack it right up and send it off to a perfect stranger, no regrets. Have fun with that, you spinning nutcase, you. God Bless!
So Cara and her Ann pick me up at Penn Station. We zoomed in style to New Jersey, took in the sights of See Caucus, and set to work.
I was thrilled– thrilled I tell you! — with Cara’s Packing-Tape Tool. Dude, I am so going to Staples today to get one. It rocks! This thing will change your packing experience forever.
So we packed colorful braided rovings and big batts of what I suspected was fiberglas insulation (but whatever), and everything was pretty much sin-free until Ann and I saw the Vintage Needle Set in Bakelite case (scroll down to Prize #3, if you are strong enough). This is the most awesomest prize I’ve ever seen (including the Booker Prize, the Stanley Cup, and the Nobel Prize). A complete set of vintage faux tortoiseshell (tortoise-safe!) needles, in perfect condition, starting with size ZERO, lovingly culled from many eBay sales and reunited in a circa 1940 Bakelite case that says ‘KNITTING NEEDLES’ and has a needle sizer drilled into the lid. Could you die? Could you swoon? Could you gnaw off a limb from sheer envy?
Could you wrestle a mother of two over it? Don’t be fooled by the perfect hair. Ann is a no-mess lady. She totally kicked my butt, no problem. (Yes there was hairpulling. “Not the highlights!” I screamed, to no avail.)
Honestly, we DID mail the needle set to the winner. We lit a candle and prayed that the winner is deserving of the stewardship of a National Treasure, keened and ululated for a few minutes, and moved on.
Later we noticed that Ann was hoarding other tidbits, like one of these these fabby Knit Big t-shirts donated by our favorite publisher, who happens to be Amy and Jillian’s favorite publisher.
Experienced perp that she is, Ann has perfected the Who Me I Would Never Stick Knitting Needles In My Shirt look.
My law enforcement background came to the fore.
Anyway, it was great fun. I still can’t believe Cara and Ann’s little Spin Out idea raised such a huge pile of moola for Heifer International. Can you imagine what the prizes will be next year?
Me, I’m haunting eBay for faux tortoiseshell and Bakelite.