Thanks to everyone who came by to watch the Oscars with us. I feel like we completed some sort of Outward Bound experience: grueling, with tedious/terrifying moments throughout.
I hope everybody has had a good time reviewing all the post-Oscar fashion roundups. Never mind the gowns: up top there is my pick for Best Shoe, Anne Hathaway’s divine heels. (Did you know there’s a website called Celebrity Shoe Size? Worrisome in so many ways.)
Our Oscars quiz contest has proved to be a total and complete pain, for many reasons.
For one thing, just as the Committee on Picking the Winner was set to meet, a guy from the Nashville Electric Service showed up and announced he was cutting off my power so they could fix a current transformer that was busted on our house. This was news to me–I thought our current was being transformed just fine. Anyway: I survived four hours of an Internet silence not unlike the far side of the moon. BLEAK! Too quiet! Eight clocks to reset! But one day of free electricity, apparently, because our meter is still unhooked. Come on over and plug in!
The larger problem, as you all noticed, was that a central character in our Oscar quiz questions, the actor Ralph Fiennes, was not even at the Oscars. He turned up in a clip from In Bruges but was otherwise off someplace wishing his hair would grow back after all that Voldemortian baldness. That can’t happen too soon, if you ask me.
ANYway. The Committee has decided to eliminate three Ralph Fiennes questions from the seven original ones:
1. Will Ralph Fiennes bring a date?
2. If yes, who is she?
3. What color will Kate Winslet’s dress be?
4. If Kate Winslet wins Best Actress, will she cry?
5. Exactly how long will the telecast be?
6. If Kate Winslet wins Best Actress, will she hug Ralph Fiennes?
7. Tiebreaker essay question (most moving answer to this will win): In twenty words or less, why didn’t Ralph Fiennes get a nomination for “The Reader?”
So: here are the answers to the remaining questions:
What color will Kate Winslet’s dress be? GRAY. It looked aubergine to me at first sighting, but I think that was just my macular degeneration talking. Aubergine would have perked up its austerity a bit, don’t you think? I do think she looked regal, in a Here To Claim My Oscar way.
If Kate Winslet wins Best Actress, will she cry? The Committe got into a big argument about what constitutes “crying” and concluded that “crying” involves “tears” and “oozing.” “Hyperventilating” or otherwise “gasping” do not count. A close study of the relevant YouTube reveals that she came very, very close yet did not shed actual, liquid tears. She did not sniffle or in any way indicate that she was oozing. So: no, she did not cry.
Exactly how long will the telecast be? The actual Oscars show began at 8:30 Eastern time, and wound up at, by my clock, 11:58 pm. Three hours and 28 minutes.
And the Yarn Goes To . . .
Nobody guessed gray. Most people thought Kate Winslet would cry. And many thought the Oscars show would last a nonspecific amount of time along the lines of “too long” or “an eternity.” After a long argument about exactly how long “an eternity” is, the Committee opted to go for more specific guesses.
So: The winner is tejasmom, who said Kate would not cry, and that the show would last 3 hours, 17 minutes–11 minutes off the actual time.
I’m giving a special yarn award for clairvoyance to the ONLY person who guessed that Ralph Fiennes would not even be there: Helen. She’s paying attention, that one.
Tejasmom and Helen, please email me your addresses via the link in the sidebar to the right, and I’ll send you your prizes.
We’re all winners, right? High five!