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  • “Do you think they would notice if I strangled her w/ the scarf so I can talk?”
    Just kidding really!

  • Kay: “And in conclusion….”
    Ann: “cereal, bread, milk, eggs, onions…..hot dog buns…….Oh, dang! I forgot to pick up the drycleaning…..Uhhhhh, chips….”

  • ‘I wonder…..since she is standing behind the podium, has anyone else noticed that her shoes don’t match?’

  • Ann: “K1 P2 no wait. That’s not right. P3, K1, SSK…wait I think that’s a sock. K1, P1, K1……”

  • Before I submit a caption I must say.. kay, what a lovely jacket you’re wearing! Enjoy the book tour!
    K: (blah, blah, blah, blah)It’s been wonderful meeting you all and we’ll stay around to personally autograph your books for you and all your friends that couldn’t make it.
    A: I can’t believe I’m going to miss my pedicure appt….

  • Ann: I’m going to hurl.
    Kay: I *told* you not to eat tamales for breakfast.

  • “Ladies and gentlemen, let us bow our heads for a moment of prayer … In Yarn’s name, we pray … our Knitter, who art in yarn shop, hallowed be thy name, thy knitdom come, thy yarns be knit, on earth as it is in thy LYS. Give us this day our daily knit and forgive us our dropped stitches as we forgive those who interrupt our knitting. And lead us not to break our yarn diet, but deliver us from acrylic, for thine is the pattern, and the gauge swatch and the knitting forever and ever, amen.”
    (apologies – i couldn’t resist.)

  • Ann: “Aw darnit. It’s almost my turn. Where’s that white rabbit and a rabbit hole when you need one? I tried that stupid ‘Drink Me’ potion and got nuttin’!”
    Kay: “This woman to my left? Off with her head!”

  • Kay: “All together now….I pledge allegiance, to the Yarn, of the United States of America….”
    Ann: Kay and Ann in ’08? or Ann and Kay in ’08? An American flag pattern would be really cool, but would that win votes?

  • Bravo Anne, you were quicker (and more clever) than I with that idea. ; )

  • Ann, Keep your eyes open, we don’t want people to think you’re sleepy!

  • I’ll share anyway.
    K: …And forgive us our trespasses (into other knitter’s stashes), As we forgive those who trespass against us (by interrupting us for meals). And lead us not into temptation (in the knit shop), But deliver us from evil (like twisting work when joining in the round). For thine is the kingdom (to cover the world in stockinette), and the power (to over-come poorly written patterns), and the glory (of hand knit goods), forever.
    A: Amen.

  • kay: “and now, a knitter that needs no introduction.” [sits down]
    an oldie but a goodie.

  • “Can this gentle hobby be exhausting? Two women worn out with knitting take a nap at the podium.”

  • K: “And if you don’t like the wonderful ‘uneven scarf’ look I’m sporting, this lady over here thinks she’s got a better idea…
    A: *clears throat and preps scarf in hand*

  • “You know, a log cabin blanket would do wonders for this podium.”

  • Listening carefully so I don’t repeat what she just said…did she really just say that???

  • “Kay sure is wasting a lot of time on this.” — Ann

  • Kay: “And THEN the booze ran like water and you wouldn’t believe the places those needles could get lost…!”
    Ann: *thinking* Like up your nose if you don’t quit before telling The Most Embarassing Story Ever.

  • Kay: Let me tell you about the book, while Ann prays.

  • WARNING: not a caption.
    I find it serendipitous that there’s a Star magazine hugely emblazoned with the word “PREGNANT” behind Kay’s head while she’s holding the Moses basket. Coincidence?

  • Yes, that stance of Ann’s is QUITE the reverential one.
    Mason-Dixon Knitting: A Revival of Knitting Communities for Previously Divided, Forlorn, and Forsaken Inner Designers
    Mason-Dixon Knitting: Moses! Euphoria! Log Cabins!A Wholesome Knitting Revival for the Whole Dang Country!

  • Ann thinks: Oh lord, she’s started talking about the Denim. We’re going to be here all night…

  • Tears are rolling down my cheeks!

  • Ann: Damnit, I knew I should have had the artist draw the cover with *me* in the hat. The one with the hat always gets to talk first.

  • K: and then she said, “I don’t even knit!”

  • Kay: You might think that knitting is more trouble than it’s worth sometimes, but look at Ann, peaceful, restful, Buddha like, if you will, while wrapped in hand knits. That, my friends, is the point of knitting: to make something that makes you feel at peace.
    Ann: *bows head in yogi-stature agreement*

  • Say it with me, everr-boddy! DENIM!
    We’re here to consider what the story of Moses would be if us knitters had been there to wrap him in a lil ol’ log cabin blankie!
    Or just:
    Holy Moses with a BlogPhone! It’s the Manson-Nixon Girls!

  • Kay: So, there’s this place that’s called the “internet” and there are things called ‘weblogs’…
    Anne: She’s telling them the entire story, from the beginning…? Oh, Gawd…

  • Ann: I wonder, if Kay keeps that thumb out long enough, if the Flying Fingers van will come and pick us up.

  • What…is that…is that toilet paper on her shoe? Should I try to dislodge it before she steps away from the podium or just act nonchalant and pretend not to see it?

  • I didn’t want to bring her along, but she cried and threw a fit.

  • “Ya know, I just tell her it’s *my* way or the *highway*!”

  • As Kay discusses the finer points of drop stitch scarves, Ann realizes that she had packed one navy and one black shoe.

  • OMG OMG OMG okay just look calm and non-chalant, but OMG I cannot believe Kay just said we were doing another log cabin afghan.

  • A: “well, *I’m* Mason, *she’s* Dixon”
    K: “uh-oh…I think she’s got that wrong!”

  • As Kay recounts the story of a sweater gone bad, Ann tries to hold back the tears.

  • Ann: She’s going to fall over from those shoes … now. No wait. … Now. Darn. How am I supposed to win the “how long can Kay keep those shoes on pool at this rate?”

  • Ann: “Think anyone will notice if I take a little nappy up here?”

  • Ann: “I bet I could replicate the colorway of this carpet…”

  • Kay: And remember the stunt THIS ONE pulled last April Fool’s Day?
    Ann: *hangs head* I thought everyone forgot about that…

  • “And without further ado, I’d like to introduce the Pulitzer Prize winning author of Mason Dixon Knitting, Doris Kearns Goodwin!”

  • Kay: “No, this scarf is NOT knit of LB Homespun!”
    Ann: “Oh for the love of God, not the Homespun rant…”

  • Kay:So the reason we were late is because someone (subtle pointing) had to change clothes three times.
    Ann:Should I tell her there’s a giant cockroach crawling up her leg?

  • Just a clarificationto my entry — see sign above Kay.

  • K – blah blah blah Denim bleach blah
    A – Where are we again?

  • Kay: “so then….I knit this really lovely scarf…it’s made out of…some kind of wool…”
    Ann: [coughs, kind of clearing her throat and speaking under her breath] “mention the book Kay. The book.”

  • Kay: “And so, dear readers, that is the story of wool, our friend through warp and weave, think and thin, one-ply and two-… [continues under]”
    Anne: [Voice-over] “Doris Kearns Goodwin! Now, she’d be a good co-author. I wonder if she can knit?… hey, what about that DaVinci Code guy… can he knit?… or James Frey. Yeah, that’s good. He needs the work. And we’d definitely get to go on Oprah…”

  • Ann (thinks) ‘oh no. not again.’ (With apologies to Douglas Adams and Kay). Kay, I see the jacket is proving useful! x x

  • Ann: Yeah yeah, denim … whatever. Is that poop on my shoe?

  • “And now I would like to introduce my blogging partner: Doris Kearns Goodwin! (BEAT, REALIZING) Er, Ann Shayne. Ann Shayne.”
    Coliseum Books makes me nostalgic for NYC — I used to spend my lunch hour perusing their aisles back when it was on Columbus Circle. Sigh…

  • K. blah blah bloofy bloof.
    A. C%%p, I told her to wear something under that jacket… those goosebumps will poke someone’s eye out… I’ve got a few skeins of denim.. can I knit a pair of pants before she steps out from the podium…

  • I give up because I can’t stop laughing about the Flying Fingers van. Looking forward to wine and cheetos, xo, c.

  • Hmmm, if we get out of here on time I can cast on with that yummy cashmere I got this afternoon. Now did I pack the size 7s?

  • Ann: Oh dear–Kay’s not even wearing handknit socks!

  • As soon as Kay shuts up, I am going to check our Amazon ranking. Or, I could do my Southern Baptist snake handling bit. That could liven things up a bit.

  • Oh, shit. Did I turn off the iron?

  • “I wonder if they know about that hole in the carpet”

  • “I said if you’re feeling nervous take a beta blocker but *this one* popped a vicodin instead! Ann, honey, wake up!”

  • “Whilst Kay explains their plan for world domination via many naked sheep, Kay prepares her speech on the creation of NAA: Noro Addicts Anonymous.”
    Hee hee.

  • Ann (thinking eggcitedly): Damn! That work release program for Kayye was a really, REALLY big mistake.

  • Ann: Hmmm, I wonder how many stitches for a podium cosy in the round….?

  • Kay: Did I mention that I’m going to have to fire someone when we get to DC, they just haven’t figured out how to do the 3 needle bindoff
    Ann: Darn, where did my lanyard go? I may have to go back to Nashville to find it.
    (OK, so that probably won’t win. I’m signing off now after LONG day to call my husband to see if he actually did bring the book to meet you. If I have any energy tomorrow, I’ll come myself when I land.)

  • Kay: Pay no attention to that little knitter behind the curtain . . .
    Ann: There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home . . .
    In truth, both of you look wonderful and it’s a joy to see you and your book drawing crowds. Have a beautiful tour!!!

  • ‘and let’s hear a big “amen” for Mason Dixon Knitting’

  • Hey, those are the socks that went missing after the last time Kay came to visit…

  • A: And I wanted to be an astronaut….

  • Hmmm… Kay probably shouldn’t have had that second glass…now what was I thinking? Oh yeah,… murky green….turbid lime… leaden jade… gloomy olive…
    P.S. I’m wishing you two a really fun and colorful adventure!

  • Look, Kay, I know it’s not the Academy Awards and we’re not going to get played off in 30 seconds, but I *would* like to speak at *some* point.

  • Kay:Why yes, I did write most of the book, but Ann helped a little bit.
    Ann:(Just wait til I get her out to the car)

  • “I knew I needed the headphones for more than just the wait at the airport….now where’d my yarn an needles go”

  • A: This was not a good day for me to break in the garter stitch thong.

  • I cannot believe she just said that!

  • Kay: So I says to ’em, so I says….
    Ann: Dammit! I can’t believe I forgot to pack my size 8’s again. I wonder if I have time to run to the LYS before Kay realizes I’m gone….

  • God, that IS poo on my finger. I knew I smelled poo.

  • “And on my left, the EVIL twin…”

  • Captions:
    Ann: “Is now the right time to tell them that I’m faking this whole knitting business?”
    Kay: “And then this one time at knitting camp…”
    Ann: “Wow,I guess I never thought of denim in such a life altering way.”
    Ann: “So I guess this is the part where they figure out that Kay is a WAY better writer than speaker…”
    Love the book! Bought it the other night – awesome!

  • “Can you all BELEIVE that Ann FORGOT Her Knitting!!! After all we are here to promote knitting ideas and ANN left HER’s on the plane.” Ann is thinking “I am soooo embarrassed to admit I just left it at home…

  • “Can you all BELEIVE that Ann FORGOT Her Knitting!!! After all we are here to promote knitting ideas and ANN left HER’s on the plane.” Ann is thinking “I am soooo embarrassed to admit I just left it at home…

  • now just to sum up the moral of the story is when you do a book tour remember that there is always shopping for yarns,fiber etc…though usually the same yarns,but not always…in different cities
    ohhhh my god did i forget to turn off the boiling pot of fiber that i was coloring or was it that yarn newly spun that i was setting the twist? gee i guess the insurance will take care of it…oh my did she just say that we were going to sign books now why oh why did she start that again

  • Ann “Kay here has been knitting so much that she getting ready to cough up a knit ball

  • Kay & Ann
    It was so great to meet the both of you tonite 🙂 and the crowd you brought along from various points of the USA (ie Utah family Camille and her daughter and grandson) And even more so meeting everyone else too.. I has so much fun.. wish I could make it to all of your signings.. but I know I can’t be trusted to go into a yarn store and not come out with something.. and i’m not talking about another book:-)
    Have a great tour and I’ll wave at you both in DC as I drive down to Hilton Head next week 🙂

  • Ann: Ladies and Gentlemen thank you for electing me President(of the world knitting guild that is)Miss VP Kate and I are happy to accept this award and have all knitters unite so put your needles in the air and cheer p2,k2…..

  • Ann: I would like to thank Michael Moore, Hilary Clinton, the Knitting Freedom Fighters of Hollywood, and the Washington Free Alliance of Knitters for their continued support, together we will all raise our needles of mass destruction and Knit this Country A NEW BLANKET OF PEACE as we rage a holy fiber war against the current administration and their dropped stitch effort to criminalize our home-spun yarns in order to capitalize their investments in foreign yarn production…
    Kate:{…i did not have knitting relationships with that Foreign wool…Power to the Knitters…OMG did I just say that out loud}

  • I go tnothing. Except admiration. That was the best run of comments I’ve ever read- do you have the wittiest funniest readers or WHAT? Wish I’d made it tonight – close but not quite.

  • my comments are mixed up in the few i posted you will have to put them to the right person sorry ty renee

  • ” WE have never given each other steroid injections and the State Fair Ribbon will have no asterik in the history books. ”

  • Kay: “Altogether now, everyone: DEN-IM.”
    Ann, thinking ahead to Philly: “Which is it again that goes better with hot dogs, red or white wine?”
    Sounds like you’re having a great time. Wish I could be there!

  • Kay: …and for our NEXT book, on felting denim…
    Ann: (thinks) hmmm, we’re going to have to talk about this…

  • Ann tries to hide her embarassment as Kay pronounces “nuclear” “nuke-ya-lar.”

  • Kay: Poor Ann stayed up all night seaming the latest mitred square blanket. Don’t tell her I found a way to avoid all that!
    Ann: Zzzzzzz.
    …It was great meeting you both last night at the Coliseum!

  • Kay: …and of course, neither of us dreamed anyone would take it seriously–we’d never knitted a thing before in our lives but we figured, hey, go with it!

  • Kaye: Änd *then* back in 1962 I said to Elizabeth Zimmerman (who seemed kinda…distracted at the time, but anyway), I said “Ëlizabeth, honey, what *I* don’t know about bleach-stripped denim and log cabinning….
    Ann: (322 sheep, 323 sheep, 324 sheep, 325 sheep…….snrrrk….) “Huh? whassat?? Where am I??”

  • Kay: “…So then I said, we should have a caption contest! I bet Ann will make a great judge!…”
    Ann: “Uh, oh… what’s she getting me into now?”

  • Kay, in her best valley girl twang: “This is like…SOOO much better than being an attorney.”
    Ann: “Oh boy…if she says ‘okeydokey’ I think I’ll throw up”

  • When I look up, I’ll just pretend ya’ll are nekkid and I’ll forget all about that dirty water dog Kay fed me…

  • “In the Spring of 2006, with the publication of their first print work, Kay Gardiner and Ann Shayne were exploding on the national scene. Later they would refine their road show but their core fans will always remember that spring with a particular fondness.”

  • Is Ann high on wool again?!? She promised she would give it up for the tour.

  • Caption 1:
    Kay: and before I conclude, I have just one more story to tell…
    Ann (thinking): maybe I could knit a modified version of that fuzzy muzzle I made for Ol’ Blue before we get to Philly. Hmm, might be good for two-year olds, too…something for the next book!
    Caption 2:
    Ann (thinking): Dang! I was going to tell that story! I’ll have to beat her to the podium in Philly.
    Have seen nothing but good reviews, looking forward to reading your book. Best regards!

  • Kay: “…well, yes, a funny thing happened on our way to the Coliseum tonight….”
    Ann: (stage whisper) “No dear, I told you the next tour stop would be Rome, Georgia!”

  • Knitting….the opiate of the masses.

  • Crazed with self-importance, Kay barely notices Ann’s substitution with a womandroid.

  • Stiff competition here! I hate to embarrass myself, but I *really* want the book, so I’ll try:
    [note sign over Kay’s head]
    cap. 1:
    After a slight mix-up in New York due to an overly large sign, two emerging stars of knitting found themselves speaking with a puzzled but polite crowd of history buffs.
    cap. 2:
    Confused history buffs all over New York have, in a move unprecedented anywhere, taken up knitting en mass after this strange event on Tuesday.
    cap. 3:
    Here, one of the perpetrators of Tuesday’s knitting coup appears to contemplate strategy; employees at the stricken store claim every surface was covered with knitted goods before these women left.
    cap. 4:
    Another “team of rivals” unites the states in the 21st century.

  • Here’s another one from me:
    Kay: Ann and I are so close, it’s like we’re sisters …
    Ann: I wonder if I like chocolate or vanilla better? Or maybe strawberry?

  • If it was my wife she’d be thinking:
    ‘What yarn for my next project?’ Ann
    ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ Kay

  • “And this is my OTHER brother Darryl.”

  • The finer points of “One potato, two potato” as discussed by Kay and demonstrated by Ann.

  • I don’t know who this woman is, but she’s been following me for DAYS now.

  • 1. If she hurries up through our notes, I might have time to show off the pebbles panel to the audience. I’m NOT going to let Kay touch it since she’s gesticulating so much!
    2. I took care of food, Hhuse maintenance, driving the kids to soccer and tennis lessons, keeping Hubbo up and running and pet care. But did I remember to schedule a vacation for me and Kay becuase we’re going to need it!

  • Ann: Boy, she’s really rabid about denim. And the book tour’s just beginning. Hmmm … Should I come up with my own “cause” or is my time on this tour best served sleeping while standing? Decisions decisions.

  • As the tour commences, Kay stares at the carpet trying to figure out how to incorporate the pattern into the next book!

  • Wait, how much underwear did she say she packed?

  • “I’m the one who did all the book work. She just stood around thinking about it.”

  • Sorry two more….
    1. How dare they say that they were expecting Stephanie!!! Our book is soooo much better! It’s hardcover! You tell ’em Kay! I’m just going to sneak out this unidentified length of knitting and start waving it in protest any minute now…
    2. But they promised us chocolate. And a full set of Addi Turbos for each of us! Maybe they stuffed the cashmere skeins under the podium. Where are our signed copies of Alice Starmore’s Aran Knitting? That’s right, Kay. You tell them that the next time they want us to speak, we demand that Kaffe Fasset also be here. The nerve of some people!

  • Kay: Blah blah blah yarn blah blah blah . . .
    Ann: I can write off all of my yarn purchases in 2005. Did I save those receipts, or trash them before Hubbo was the wiser?

  • (with apologies to Napolean Dynamite)
    K:”….and came up with the best Denim blanket ever.”
    A: “Like anyone could know that, Kay.”
    K: “Ann, you can LEAVE!”
    K: “And rilly, I never said ya’ll, or epizootics, or tee-tiny ’til I started corresponding with this woman. Or even said rilly. No rilly, I mean it.”
    A: **okey-dokey, Denim, heirloom Bjorn, log cabin, drabs and juicies- and why would anyone need the juicies anyway….**
    🙂 Finally spotted a copy of MDK in the wild. Mackenzie (my 5yo who has her own stash of wild colored cottons and “foo-foo yarn” and Lyon kitty-head needles in 2 sizes) was thrilled to discover a photo of Aunt Jenny in a “real book”. We sat on the floor of Borders looking at all the beautiful photos ’til my feet went numb and I had to stumble around like a drunken sailor on shore leave ’til the pins and needles subsided. Well worth it!!! Oh, ‘Kenz plans to turn her cottons into a mitered-square blankie while I knit roses for her denim jacket!

  • Ann (thinking) I wonder if people will notice that this is not a real microphone I’m holding.

  • Kay says;
    So, we’re in the editorial meeting and Ann here says “So what if the pattern has ‘and at the same time’ twice in one line, I say the fairisle beer can cover stays!”

  • Kay: (opening statement) The accused stands charged with yarn envy and stash acquisition beyond life expectancy, otherwise known as SABLE. A small portion of the evidence in her very hand. (while thinking, Should the scarf around my neck have disqualified me on this case?)
    Ann: Maybe there’s still time to plead guilty. I hear the penalty if convicted is that I would have to walk around with a red K (for knitter) emblazoned on all my clothes. Though in a lovely Rowan yarn, it might look nice.
    [Can we negotiate on the prize? Because I *had* to own the book the day it released, obviously. How about yarn for the bathmat on p.82 or enough dishrag yarn for the one on p.97. I figured the piano bench or the p.77 blanket would be just too naf to ask.]

  • Ann will now lead is in the knitter’s serenity prayer….god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot knit, the courage to walk away from patterns that don’t work and the wisdom to buy our new book.

  • ooops a typo…will lead US, not is

  • Hhmmmm, this floor is giving me a great idea for a new rug pattern.

  • Nice one, Lisa B, just under the wire!
    I’m thinking now that Ann is standing there wondering where they’re hiding the yarn at that store…
    Kay: Now, when I reviewed the contract regarding the book tour…
    Ann: No, we checked the “health and happiness” aisle twice…and that funny display with the soft things turned out to be the “Klutz” books.. could there be a basement? An upstairs? Why would they bring us to a such a godforsaken place – a store without YARN!

  • Wait. Are we still promoting this as “The Thoughful Knitters Guide?” Did she already mention our trademarked “(Re)Contemplating Garter Stitch” blanket?

  • I should have gone with my first instinct. When I sent the caption last night it was my husbands idea. Mine was: Kay: Let us pray…

  • Kay: I am the best, just me!
    Ann: She really is the best, dang!

  • Where’s Dick Cheney when you really need him? Ah, talking to Dan Whatsit, I suppose.

  • I’d rather be knitting!

  • It’s all HER fault!

  • I think I’m past deadline, but here goes:
    And then she said, Sure, we’ll do a book tour!
    With great regret that I had to work every dang time that y’all were signing in NYC – have a great trip! xoxo

  • Kay: “And this one on my left over here is the one that got me into this whole mess.”

  • Next up, Doris Kearns Goodwin abandons the study of history and learns to knit!