Inner Self-Care: Ninja Techniques

February 24, 2017

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24 Comments
  • Boy, did this resonate with me. Only, I call that cranky voice “Mom.” ;o)

  • I’m in sync…just object to the label “crone”.

    • I wondered about her use of the word crone, so I looked it up. Besides the derogatory meaning, it also means “a woman who is venerated for experience, judgment and wisdom.

      • I was also curious about its usage and very pleased to read your definition.

    • Nothing wrong with crone…except as a stereotype that doesn’t match the actual definition.

  • At 70, I am a crone … and proud of it. Lovely post, resonated with me.

  • My yoga teacher has been discussing the work of Byron Katie with us! Loved this post!

  • Thanks for the good article, Max.

    I’ve attended a Byron Katie’s talk, and I got a whiff of snake oil in the room. She is kind of the female version of Tony Robbins. I agree that we need to reprogram our inner critic every now and then and ask ourselves if what we are thinking is true, but that inner voice should be our own. Reading far and wide and developing our own customized amalgam of ideas is what helps me live an authentic life. A person who resonates most consistently for me is Pema Chodron.

    BTW, I used to have a problem with the word crone, but not anymore. It was once a positive word for women and the rise of patriarchy rendered the word derogatory, but it meant older, wiser, experienced, and came from the word crown.

    • You guys, I did not know the etymology here. Thank you for hipping me. Ready for my crown

    • We are very much agreed that the voice we rely on must ultimately be our own. And the Judge is emphatically not our voice.

    • I love Pema! I have several of her books and many of her audio CD’s. She is help me through some sticky times.

  • Love this – thank you!!

  • Interesting that you would use selfishness as your example! I was repeatedly told that I was selfish and jealous. And, in fact, I was told in my early 30’s by my mother that my jealousy was the cause of all the problems in our family. It still gives me inner chills 40 years later but I know it isn’t true. Issuing blame was also a major component in my family. My father died 1 1/2 years ago, still telling me that something was his fault while I consistently replied that we don’t playing the blame game anymore.

    Thanks for your words of encouragement!

  • My husband is a painter, and he did a large painting that he called “The Critic”; a tangible visual representation of his own inner critical voice… always questioning his abilities, his talent, his worth as a human being. Oddly enough it’s quite beautiful… it’s a powerful painting. But it’s also kind of intimidating as you can feel the judgement emanating from the central figure.
    I wish creating that painting had worked that voice out of him, but it didn’t… I think I’ll share the “is it true” technique with him. Although when it’s bad, that critical voice answers “yes” pretty loud.

    • See Byron Katie for what to do when you get the yes answer

    • Sorry, Kathleen – my smiley got snipped, and without it my comment looks like marching orders. It’s just a suggestion 🙂

  • Kind, useful, honest, funny, inspiring. I find myself looking forward to your columns.

  • It’s good to see these thoughts out in the open. Cuz they have too much power when they’re just rattling around inside. But their power is just gone when we talk about them.

  • I like your simple question “is it true?” because it allows for useful reflection, and cuts out the extra noise. Sometimes I need to face my mistakes and learn from them. As you point out, my mistakes do not mean that I am monstrous. Just that I am human, and as deserving of happiness as anyone else. And if I haven’t been making mistakes, I probably haven’t been taking any chances, or trying anything new, either.

  • I am quite familiar with all of those voices. Between my family and an ex-husband they got flung at me a lot even when they weren’t in my own head. Thank you for the article!

  • My inner judge was so enmeshed with me, that I had to first recognize her as a separate entity. Then I learned how to deal with her. she cannot be dismissed. She must be greeted first, let in the front door and then shown out through the back door. Perhaps I have now come far enough that I don’t even need to let her in the front door anymore. Perhaps now, when she comes knocking, I can just ask “Is it true?” And if the answer is no, she can just move on.

  • I love this “Is it true?”

    And this: “What’s also true is that as your internal world becomes caring instead of unkind, the outer world changes too.”

    Thank you Max.

  • Love!
    Your (Our/ My) 10,000 idiots are no match for “Is it true?”!

    Havi Brooks (Fluent Self.com) has long advocated “talking to your monsters” – and giving them a New Job, instead of their spurious interpretation of “keeping you safe” from something that probably happened a zillion years ago.

    • Karen J, I <3 Havi SO MUCH. It's such a thrill when I meet someone who knows her 🙂