We are proud to announce our first-ever product offering from Mason-Dixon Knitting.
You’ve done so much. You got your kid off to college. In that first flush of pride and euphoria, you marked that moment: you vacuumed your young man’s room for the first time in seven years. You cleaned out the minivan, once and for all. You spent an afternoon culling through old art projects brought home from school. You cleaned. You tidied. Your house arrived at an all-time level of order.
But something’s wrong. It just doesn’t feel like . . . home anymore.
That’s why we have created a new way for you, the empty-nester mom, to fill the cavernous void in your life. Introducing: a new monthly delivery program that will give you everything you need to take your home back to the way it used to be.
When we first envisioned Crapbox, we knew there were things empty-nester moms craved but just didn’t have access to anymore, that you just can’t remember how to order. It’s not 1997 anymore, ladies. But we know where to find all the good stuff, and we are thrilled to bring you carefully curated collections of all the memorable things that used to make your house a home.
Each month, you’ll receive the distinctive Crapbox, covered in an authentic vintage artwork by somebody’s kid.
Inside, you’ll find an ever-changing array of everything you thought you’d never want to see, ever again, except that you actually kind of do.
Here’s what you’ll receive with your April subscription:
Three packs of playing cards, with 49, 51, and 37 cards.
Nine Legos to sprinkle around your bedroom so you can step on them in the middle of the night.
A spool of fishing line to recreate the hilarious booby trap your son set for you in seventh grade, when you wiped out on the stairs and broke your collarbone.
A handmade clay turkey, to replace the seven clay turkeys you ditched.
One Playmobil Captain Hook, because your son lost his Captain Hook at the beach that summer and you never got over it.
Five Nacho Cheese Doritos, to grind into that carpet you finally got cleaned in the TV room.
A disposable camera, so you can forget to take it to be developed just like that bag of 15 disposable cameras you threw away.
Two rusty safety pins to remind you to get your tetanus booster like you had to do after you stuck yourself at your daughter’s sewing camp.
A duet of a dried-up glue stick and a dried-up piece of Sculpy.
One slice of Kraft American Cheese, to tuck into the back seat crevice of your car.
With a $49.95 monthly subscription to Crapbox, your house will start to feel like home, all over again.
Sign up today and you’ll receive our bonus collection, Crapbox: Summer Camp Footlocker.
Ann and Kay
PS Happy April Fool’s Day!