Well, CNN’s Anderson Cooper is coming to town today. I hope to hell he gets over to the fellas’ school in time to cover the middle school talent show.
My prediction for his empathetic cry moment: on the steps of the Country Music Hall of Fame, in waders from Barneys, wiping a semi-tear from his eye with a piece of damp sheet music for a Ferlin Husky song. He’ll look into the camera and say, “On the wings of a snow white dove, Music City will rise anew.”
Don’t get me wrong; we luv ya, Anderson! Get us some more of that FEMA money!
Oh right. The FLOOD. That ironically has caused a major clean-water shortage. That has at least six of us resisting the urge to wash our cars.
–Country Star John Rich’s House Slides Down Hill; Neighbors Caught Behind Garage Pushing It
–Schermerhorn Symphony Center To Retool As Schermerhorn String Quartet Center
–Antioch Man Urges New Water-Saving Plan; “Go In The Yard” Idea Upsets Neighbors; “Hey, Your Dog Does It Every Day; What’s The Problem Here?”
—Opry Mills Pirhanas Still On Prowl; Last Seen In Saks Outlet Behind The Seven For All Mankind Denim Display
–Green Hills “SUV Mom” in Slappy Fight With Belmont Area Sierra Club Member: “He was making fun of my irrigation system, so I just grabbed his stinky Birkenstock and whacked on his damn Prius or whatever the hell that thing is. All high and mighty he was.”
—Mayor Karl Dean Suspected Of Flooding Own Basement In Ploy For Sympathy; Denies Running Garden Hose Through Window; “I Was Rigging Up A Siphon, Sort Of”
Watch for me on TV tomorrow! Anderson’s gonna want to know about the state of my yarn stash. I just know he’ll show up on my doorstep.