On the fifth day of the sock’s captivity, the person or persons holding the Sock released this photo, showing the sock apparently in reasonable health but missing its double-pointed needles. Needle and Notion Analyst Dexter Pointprotector stated, “Clearly, the sock is on 2 circular needles at this time. It’s anybody’s guess how long the sock has had these new needles, or by what means they were installed. The stitches look a little tight, so it could be that the socknappers and/or liberators didn’t have size 1s to do the job, but nevertheless the sock seems….pretty comfortable. I don’t want to put a value judgment on it, but to me, the sock looks relaxed. Cozy.”
Close inspection of the photograph revealed more information.
(Those born after 1974 should consult The Crime Library. Gosh! Go tell your Grandma how young you are! Idiots!)
The sock will be heading North very soon, in good spirits. (She doesn’t seem to want it–she’s no fun AT ALL– therefore we are sending it back. We refuse to negotiate with people who won’t negotiate with terrorists.)
Peace out, power to the people, et cetera,
The Circularese Liberation Army
P.S. for Jodie in Fargo: Uffda! Anderson Cooper was so emotionally TRASHED by the sock’s story that he couldn’t report on it. The man just could not get through a taping.